You might be wondering what marriage issues have to do with a healing miracle. The truth is — they have everything to do with it. Before the Lord could heal my child, other crucial miracles needed to happen first. God needed to heal our hearts. Both my husband and I were battling depression, chains that were placed on us by the enemy, and our foundation needed to be reset. God allowed us to be broken so that He could rebuild us, setting the stage for the miraculous healing that was yet to come. There is always a breaking process before the breakthrough.

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Ryan’s words from our last fight echoed in my heart: “I hate that I’m happier away from you and the girls.”

His words shattered me. It felt like the painful truth behind his actions had finally been spoken out loud. And while there was a strange kind of aha moment in hearing it, the weight of that reality hit just as hard.

The enemy had taken hold of our hearts, our minds, our actions, and even the words we spoke to each other.

The aftermath of that fight sent me into a deep depression. Brain fog became my new normal. My memory was so poor that I couldn’t hold a solid conversation. I didn’t know where things belonged in my home—or even where to put the plates when unloading the dishwasher. I wasn’t myself anymore. I was a shell of a person, barely functioning.

That’s when I knew I had to call our marriage counselor and schedule a one-on-one session.

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.”-Psalm 32:8

The Counseling Session

“It’s time to create a crisis,” my counselor spoke calmly.

“What?!” I gasped in shock. “You think it has come to that?”

“Yes,” he replied. “You are both in a cycle of hurt. It’s time to break the cycle.”

“So what do you think I should do?”

“I think you need to request that Ryan move out.”

“But what about my kids?” I stammered.

“Your kids will be okay. Kids are resilient. It all depends on how you handle this. But you can’t go halfway. It’s all or nothing. You need to treat this like a true separation, similar to a legal one. He cannot come and go as he pleases. He needs to feel what it’s like not to have a family unit around him. We need him to choose you and your kids. This will be a moment of truth.”

This will be a moment of truth.

“What if he doesn’t choose us?” I sobbed. It was a legitimate concern.

“Then your marriage will end. But you can’t keep going on like this anyway.”

“But I don’t want a divorce,” I cried. “I just want him to stop this behavior. I want him to put his family first before his fun.”

“Andrea, we need to know what this marriage is made of. If God wants you two together, He will make a way. But your marriage needs a restart. A crisis is to occur. As far as I’m concerned, you’re already in one.”

“We need to know what this marriage is made of…”

He was right. I knew he was right. I just couldn’t believe that my marriage had failed. Or at least it looked like it had failed at the time.

“So now what?”

“Get your plans in order. Do you have a place where you and the girls can stay for a little while?”

“Yes. I can go to my parents’ house.”

“OK, good. Head there for a few days while you process this. You can start figuring out new boundaries while you’re there. Where is Ryan at now?”

“He is working from home today.”

“I recommend you tell Ryan that you and the girls are going to your parents’ house for a few days.”

“OK,” I responded.

“Let’s set up another session in a few days so I can check back in with you.”

As the conversation ended, I sat there, trying to process what had just happened. I knew what I had to do, but I didn’t understand it, and I didn’t want to do it. I was terrified that this was the moment my family fell apart. Was I ready for that? Did I want a divorce? What about my kids?

I decided that while the kids were playing, I would sneak away and call my mom.

When she picked up the phone, I immediately started sobbing.

“Mom?” I stammered, “Can the girls and I come stay with you and Dad for a few days?”

“The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand.” -Psalm 37: 23-24

Time to Tell Ryan

When I got off the phone with my mom and a plan was in place, it was time to pack and let Ryan know of the plans. I had no idea how long I would be gone; I just knew that I needed to get out of the house, and I wasn’t about to leave my children behind. I decided to approach it as a short vacation for the girls’ sake.

“Ryan,” I started with a shaky voice. “I’m going to take the girls to my parents’ house for a few days. I need some time to think about things.”

“OK,” he responded.

“OK?” I asked, fully frustrated, hurt, and annoyed.

“Well, I don’t like it, but it’s not like I’m going to be able to change your mind.” And at that, he turned back around and went back to work on his computer.

I thought to myself, “He doesn’t even care enough about us to fight for us.” (The devil is a liar.)

But that thought was one of the reasons I felt I had to leave. I needed to know whether Ryan truly wanted a family—or if he wanted a life on his own.

As I packed our bags, I wondered what this would lead to. Was I strong enough to really take the next step? Could I possibly keep enduring the hurt this marriage was causing me?

My daughters were my greatest concern, and I wasn’t about to let a couple of selfish adults ruin their lives forever…